"Dear candidate - Thank you for your application. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you..."
During my post-doc year in Australia, I unsuccessfully sent 100 job applications. I still have them, in a folder at the back of a cupboard.
We returned to Denmark from Australia with an extra piece of luggage - our third child.
I had forgotten to register for unemployment benefits. We had a mortgage and student debts. We were young and we were confident... what could go wrong?
I figured out the reason that my applications were unsuccessful was the fact that we had been living in Australia. But now we were back home, so things would be different.
"Wanted: Biologist - plant protection products...."
I sent an application.... vilified by the press for decades, located on a windswept spit of land, I knew no serious academic would apply to a pesticide company at the furthest outpost of Denmark.
I would gracefully accept the position, but not before taking advantage of their desperation to hire me to push up the wage. We would buy a house, a car, a dog...
"Dear candidate - Thank you for your application. After careful consideration, we regret to inform you..."
100+1 rejections. But this one was different. 100 rejections while on a post-doc salary is bad. One rejection when unemployed - without benefits - is serious. So I decided to decline their rejection.
"Thanks for your reply! After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your rejection..."
I wish I had written that.... but I had bills to pay, so instead I called in my network. Only, back then - before LinkedIn - we didn't call them networks.
So I called the guy-I-know-who-knows-a-guy-at-the-company-that-rejected-me. He called his guy and explained why the company was making a huge mistake.
I'm guessing the last bit. Maybe he called about something else - probably football - and remembered me at the last second, just before he hung up.
And then the company-guy called me. So I also explained why the company was making a huge mistake. He sighed.
"Look, why don't you just come out here and speak to the manager who posted the position?"
So I did. I hired a car and drove 500km. I went for a walk and decided "If I find a four-leaf clover, I'll get the job". I walked for three hours until I found one.
Then I went to Reception and said:
"I'm here to speak to the manager who posted the position. The company is making a huge mistake."
The manager wasn't available. No time. Busy. Sorry.
I sat at Reception until lunchtime and waited. Sometimes, people get less busy. Maybe if I waited here until tomorrow the manager would have time.
Somebody important-looking asked what I wanted. He probably thought Reception would look tidier without me sitting in front of it all day. I told him. And waited.
And the important-looking person had apparently spoken to the manager, because now she had time. We had five minutes. She was not pleased.
She told me she already had 60 candidates. She also had no time - even less now, because of me.
So I explained why the company was making a huge mistake. I ran through the specific qualifications which made me an ideal candidate. I described how I could solve her time problem. I showed her my four-leaf clover. When asked, I said that I saw myself in her position in five years. We laughed.
And then she said:
"Your application was crap. Really. It was just a list of qualifications, most of which were not relevant. You wasted my time. If you had sent that to a hundred companies, you would have gotten a hundred rejections. But you drove five hundred kilometers. You have a four-leaf clover. Rewrite your application with what you just told me, and I'll give you the job."
I still have that job.
After seventeen years it has grown, and changed - but it's still pretty much the same great job. We bought a house, a car and a dog.
And every now and then I look through a bunch of applications. More often than not I think "These applications are crap. They are just a list of qualifications, most of which are not relevant. They really should filter their qualifications and explain to me why they would be the ideal candidate. They should describe how they could solve my time problem" and drop them in the rejection pile.
And then I wait to get the call from Reception:
"Somebody is here to speak to the manager who posted the position. She says the company is making a huge mistake. She says she has a four-leaf clover."
I'm still waiting.
.png "How I declined a job rejection - and landed my first professional position")
Harry Teicher 
October 13, 2021
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